Former Boston TV reporter gets candid about his addictions and recovery in new memoir 'Mascara Boy'

Boston TV viewers may remember Brandon Rudat as the former clean cut anchor and reporter at WHDH Channel 7.

Off camera, he led another life, one of late night, drug-fueled sex-athons at clubs and bath houses.

In his new memoir “Mascara Boy: Bullied, Assaulted & Near Death,” Rudat offers a candid look at those two selves, the struggles as an addict and the goals he set for himself to lead a sober, stable, and healthy life.

“I hope that stepping forward, sharing my full name and showing my face, and not hiding in anonymity, will remove some of the stigma of recovering addicts and open the hearts and minds of older generations,” writes the 39-year-old broadcaster who now uses his middle name Lee as his surname.

Written in a conversational tell-it-like-is-style, the book is a compelling read, an intimate and raw journal about his public life and private struggles. But the book also serves a cautionary tale, how repressed traumas - if not dealt with head on - can surface in unhealthy ways. The title of the book refers to a childhood nickname that classmates used to bully Lee because of his natural long eyelashes.

The Orange County, California native said his drug and sex addictions manifested from years of untreated childhood abuse. He also struggled with “gay shame” from his Catholic upbringing. At the age of 10, he was frequently groped by a piano teacher and by a youth soccer coach.  At 15, he used cocaine and had sex with older men under the stairs of a Laguna Beach bar.

Lee buried those memories as he pursued a successful broadcasting career. He started as an intern at NBC's “Today’’ show, then reported and anchored at WVIT in  Hartford, Connecticut before landing at WHDH in 2007. 

He made a mark in Boston, reporting for Channel 7 and anchoring the 10 p.m. newscast for sister station WLVI Ch. 56.  During his two years there, he won a regional Emmy for a piece about a fire chief who was a convicted child sex offender and he was nominated for five other Emmys. Off-camera, Lee was spotted at Boston clubs and parties where followers and viewers (including me) were surprised to discover his heavily tattooed-arms and torso, something we never saw on TV.

In 2009, Lee left Channel 7 after a falling out with his managers over the direction of the station.  In the book, he notes that he was not in control of his emotions at the time.  His exit shortly followed the departures of anchor Randy Price and an 11 p.m. news producer after the NBC affialate's ratings were plunging.  When I was a reporter at The Boston Globe writing about local media, I covered Lee's exit from Channel 7.

"I was told . . . that I am very skilled and that I am very talented but I am not right for the station," he said at the time. "Good things will come out of this."

He found freelance work as a reporter at KTLA in Los Angeles where his rampant drug use intensified and his life spiraled out of control.

His routine: “Get off work. Do a dose of G. Get to the sex club and get high on meth for the next 48 hours, “ he writes.  He also describes what's known as being a “bug chaser,” someone who is  HIV negative and seeks to become positive through unsafe sex. In the book, he admits that he contracted some STDS because of his careless sex but remains HIV negative. 

“That is the powerlessness of addiction. That is the powerlessness I had over sex,’’ he writes. “I couldn’t stop. I wanted to, but I didn’t know how.”

He hit rock bottom in LA. Overdoses landed him in an emergency room twice in the same week. He describes how a nurse heard him crying in his bed and handed him a flier for the LA LGBT Health Center which connected him to a support group and his road to recovery.

“That was it. That was the first day of reclaiming my life in earnest, and I have been sober since Feb. 22, 2010,’’ he writes.

The midsection of the book to the end serves as an AA and 12-steps guide. Lee simply breaks down each step including step 10 which is “to take a personal inventory and when you are wrong, admit it,’’ he writes. Here, he shares a letter he wrote to his former WHDH supervisor and apologizes for his "defiant and manipulative" behavior.

Lee says he’s still sober and augments his 12 steps with help from a therapist. In December 2018, he writes how he left his anchor job in Phoenix to spread his message of hope and recovery through public speaking engagements and through his podcast “Escaping Rock Bottom.”

“When we show our scars to the world we’re actually showing people who have also suffered in silence that they no longer have to suffer,'' he writes.

My only critique of the book is the timeline. Instead of having a linear chronological flow, Lee flits back and forth from past and present to detail his journey and his take on news events such as Kevin Hart's homophobic Tweets and the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation hearings) which made it difficult at times for this reader to stay with Lee's story. Whenever he did this, it removed the reader the scenes and experiences Lee was describing.

A Poem From the Heart

Writers write in all forms. Short stories. Books. Essays. Blog entries. Poems.  News articles. Although I mostly write daily stories for the Sun Sentinel about whatever is trending or what people are talking about on social media each morning, I really enjoy creative writing whether that's writing novels or poetry. 

My interest in poetry began in elementary school for school assignments but I found myself writing my own at home in a Trapper Keeper notebook.  I enjoyed writing poems that rhymed, experimented in the short form haiku. The challenge and fun for me was trying to compact what you wanted to say in a lyrical way (hey, that rhymed.)  That interest and curiosity continued in middle school, high school and college.  I saved all my poems in my journals. And every now and then, I pen a poem out of inspiration or for a special occasion. (again, another rhyme).

One of those special occasions was for my lovely goddaughter Jessica and her husband Billy. Four years ago, they asked if I could write something to read at their wedding on Cape Cod.  I was truly touched and honored. I knew they had read my Boston Globe articles over the years and maybe one of my books.  But a poem for a wedding? Where would I start? This was new to me and I'm no Richard Blanco. I thought, this is a really BIG responsibility and I had to get it just right (or write.) And what if they don't like it? Again, a huge creative assignment for a one time occasion. I couldn't mess this up. If I did, I would be permanently exiled from Massachusetts and perhaps New England...FOREVER!

So I did what I usually do when I start working on a story or a book, I did some research by interviewing them.  We set up a time after work and we chatted on speaker phone - they in Weymouth, MA and me in my little apartment in Coral Gables. I asked them how they met, what sparked their interested in one another, their first date, second date, their upbringings, the big proposal.  Some of it I knew from memory but I wanted to hear it in their words so I could incorporate that into the copy. They also didn't want me to share the poem with them ahead of time. They wanted to hear it for the first time in front of their guests.  More pressure!

After a few weeks of writing and rewriting in my notepad, I presented this to Jessica's mom Mari who is my godmother and first cousin (more like a fabulous and loving older sister to me.)  I emailed her the poem and she called me right back and said in her sweet Boston-Cuban accent, "It's perfect, Johnny. Don't change a thing. They are going to love it."

And with the huge vote of confidence, I rehearsed reading the poem out loud a couple of times at home and then in front of the mirror at the Hampton Inn Cape Cod the night before the wedding and the day of. (the selfie down below was taken in between my takes in front of the mirror before the wedding.)

When the big day came that May 30, this is what I read at the podium before the guests on a sunny breezy May afternoon by the water of Harwich, Massachusetts.  I was nervous, excited and honored all at the same time. It was a day I will never forget.  And I think I got some future requests as a wedding poet for hire. The poem starts on the jump page below. (A heads up as you read it, Mac and Cam refer to two English bulldogs and the Pats are the New England Patriots.)

Six Neckties a finalist

I'm as happy as a wedding guest about to catch the bridal or groomsman bouquet.

I learned this week that my sixth novel, Six Neckties, is one of the finalists in the Gay Romance category for The Lammys. That's the annual awards in gay and lesbian literature organized by the Lambda Literary Foundation.

I think this novel is probably the most romantic of my six books.

The book brings back Cuban-American journalist Tommy Perez who finds himself being the best man or groomsman at his friends' weddings in Boston, Provincetown and Key West. But with each occasion, he goes back home to Ogunquit with another necktie. (Hence the title.) But when he meets a cute photographer at one of the weddings and then a handsome guest house manager in Ogunquit, Tommy must decide whether he is really ready for love again.

It's a fun summer read and I truly enjoyed writing the story. And I'm excited that it's getting a little love from Lambda reviewers, editors and members. Whether it wins the category or not, I'm just grateful that people have enjoyed the book and have taken the time to read it.